英文幽默故事

英文幽默故事短篇有道理的

　　下面是我整理的15则经典英语幽默 故事 ，欢迎大家阅读!

　 　英语幽默故事1.

　　A: Madam, do you have something in common with your husband?

　　B: Oh, we have only one point in common—we got married on the same day, in the same month and in the same year.

　　 英语幽默故事2.

　　After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “ Get up, dear,” she said, “ It’s 20 to seven.”

　　He awoke with a start. “ In whose favor?”

　　 英语幽默故事3.

　　The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”

　　The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”

　　 英语幽默故事4.

　　On the way home from my university, I was going to drop off a friend at her home, when I realized I was lost. I asked her for directions. She said she was not sure of the route. Hoping to jog her memory, I asked, “ what route does your father take when drives you to school?” She didn’t know. I thought it might simplify things if I rephrased the question.” When you go home, which way does he go?”

　　“ Oh, that’s easy,” she replied. “ He goes back the same way he came.”

　　 英语幽默故事5.

　　During my second year at university I was having trouble deciding on my major. In a agonizing discussion with my adviser, I decided to double major in astrophysics and theater. Getting up to leave, I said, “ Thanks for your help. But what am I going to do once I graduate?”

　　My adviser shrugged,“ You could be a star,” he said.

　　 英语幽默故事6.

　　The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest’s plate.

　　The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said, “ You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?”

　　“ In the rat trap, sir,” replied the boy.

　　 英语幽默故事7.

　　One professor solemnly addressed the class the day after a big assignment had been due. “ Many of you know me,” he intoned. “And many of you have met my dog, Gus. Obviously, one of you has not.”

　　“ I apologize to whoever slipped a term paper under my office door,” he continued. “ My dog ate your homework.”

　　 英语幽默故事8.

　　Just before graduation from university, my son and several friends were discussing the role their families had played in their career plans. My son, who had been accepted by a college of optometry, had been quiet during most of the talk.

　　“ How about you, Dale?” one of his buddies asked. “ Was you pushy?

　　“ No, he replied. “ I had complete freedom of choice. I could be any kind of doctor I wanted to be.”

　　 英语幽默故事9.

　　During my first year at Naval Postgraduate School, I sat chatting one day with some classmates about the program’s difficulties. A professor overheard us and tried to allay our fears. “Don’t worry too much about grades,” he explained. “ When you think you know everything, they give you a Bachelor’s degree. Then when you realize that you don’t know anything, they give you a Master’s, and when you find out that you don’t know anything, but neither does anyone else” he continued,” they give you a doctorate.”

　　 英语幽默故事10.

　　Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”

　　At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.

　　 英语幽默故事11.

　　About two weeks before our fifth anniversary of marriage, my husband asked what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.

　　On our anniversary night, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. “ A little four-letter word made me get this for you,” he said softly.

　　“Oh, how sweet,” I whispered. “L-O-V-E?’

　　“No,’ he replied. “S-A-l-E.”

　　 英语幽默故事12.

　　A: Oh, how nice your bookshelf is! But it’s a pity that it is empty without any books in it.

　　B: I had no bookshelf in the past. In order to buy the bookshelf, I have sold all my books. Don’t you know?

　　 英语幽默故事13.

　　M: Do you love your bride?

　　Bridegroom: Yes, of course. I love her very much.

　　M: Are you willing to accompany with your husband forever?

　　Bride (with head shaking repeatedly): Of course not. He is a postman, how can I accompany with him all the whole day?

　　 英语幽默故事14.

　　“Joe is the man for me,” said a starry-eyed young lady to her mother, “ He’s nice. He’s handsome. He’s smart. He’s hardworking. He’s strong. He’s kind…..”

　　“He’s married” interrupted her mother.

　　“ So nobody is perfect.”

　　 英语幽默故事15.

　　A tobacco-company executive traveled the country looking for long-time smoker in good health. He found one man who admitted to smoking for 70 years. “ If you do a commercial for us,” the executive explained. “ We’ll pay you $10,000.”

　　“It’s a deal,” said the smoker. “When do I start?”

　　“How about 10 A.M. Tomorrow?”

　　“Can’t do it then, son—I never quit coughing till noon.”

英文幽默故事200词

　　适合幼儿的幽默英文小故事：Ground Rules

　　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."

　　基本原则

　　位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”

　　爆笑幼儿英文小故事：A Foolish Chicken

　　Christmas was coming .Mr Smith had no money to buy any presents for his children .His wife was ill and he spent a lot of money on her medicine .And the harvest was bad and all his family were going go be hungry the next spring .He was quite worried about it .

　　“We had only a cock ,”said Mrs Smith one day .“You’d better take it to the town .Sell it there and buy some cakes and sweets for our children .”

　　“It’s a good idea !”the man said and caught the cock the next morning and put it into a box .It was difficult to walk on the road covered with thick snow .Two hours later he was very tied and wanted to have a rest .He put the box to the ground and sat down .

　　“The air in the box must be close ,”the man said to himself .“I’d better let the cock walk outside for a while ,or it’ll die .”

　　So he put the cock to the ground .When he started again ,he couldn’t catch it any longer .

　　“How foolish you are !”Mr Smith called out angrily .“You can herald the break of day at night but you cann’t find the way to the town in the daytime !”

　　有趣幼儿英文小故事：Midway Tactics

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

　　中间战术

　　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　　右边的'零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。